*update Feb 18th at bottom
Blogs are good for keeping family and friends in touch with what's going on in your life, sharing a special skill with others in the blogging community, and sometimes to reach out for help or advice through therapeutic writing.
The latter is where I find myself today.
Do you ever find yourself in a rut, knowing what needs to be done, but no motivation to do it? For example, I know that to be healthier and to lose my inches, I need to exercise. But I seem to make excuses - good ones - for not doing it. I need to engage my children in more play activities, but I find myself getting involved in time consuming nonsense instead. I need to stay on top of our monthly bills and budget - and I do a pretty good job of that in that nothing is ever late - but I could do better in planning and budgeting. I am now doing menu planning, and I really enjoy cooking and preparing meals, so that is getting better. I have fabulous ideas in my head, but cannot seem to muster up the motivation to get them out.
Anyway, all of that and more to say I think I'm depressed. And I can say this because I recognize the pattern of it from my Mother who now, in her 70's realizes she battles depression. My sister and I look back at our lives and our Mom's behavior and it is clearly there. But it wasn't discussed back then. So she just dealt with it by wearing a mask of routine. Get up, fix breakfast, get the kids off to school, get ready, go to work, do the same thing every day, come home, fix supper, clean up, kids in bed, watch tv, go to bed. Every day. Weekends, were a little more stressful. The unpredictability of the weekend removed the weekday mask.
I love my Mom, but I don't want to live my life with this. I want to remove my mask.
Health wise, I feel good. I'm not sick. My family is rarely sick. And when someone is sick, it's not for long. We eat healthy foods. I need to remove my mask on eating too much, but it is healthy food...but too much none-the-less.
Now, before you instruct me to go pray, believe me, I DO. I have NO masks on there. And I have a faith like you wouldn't believe. I am strong and secure in my walk. Which is why I would be able to post something like this for potentially the whole world to see. Hey! Jonah and Moses both battled depression. I think they did a pretty good job of "communicating" with God, don't you?
So, it is strength and accountability that I think I need to pull this mask off for good. I need someone with which to work out (either for real or virtually) that won't flake out on me (I don't know that Scott is that good of a work out partner). I need someone to help me by just checking in on me every now and then. Let me know you are out there and care. I am horrible with feeling like a burden in other peoples lives since everyone else seems to be so busy and I'm at home...all day...with my children...the education of one in my hands...and the development of the other on my heart.
Anyone have any ideas??
*UPDATE February 18th - My local friend Holly and I have gotten together to walk out our respective woes and get some exercise to boot! We meet every morning and walk 3 miles at a pretty good clip (between 45-48 minutes depending on hitches in our git-a-longs). Praise God and thank you to all who supported me in my transparency!!
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