Monday, April 20, 2009

Confusion and Decisions

I'm so confused. And tired. You know that feeling you get when you feel like you are the only one in the world going through a particular thing, even though you know you're not, but you still feel like it? Yeah, I'm there. I've been there for a while, but I've just now begun to really break down what is going on.

I have a 7 year old home-schooled son, a 2 year old Princess daughter, and a mostly-work-from-home hubby.

If I manage to find or get invited to a play group with other 2 year olds, my 7 year old son has to tag along and even though he can have fun pretty much where ever he is, he doesn't care for 2 yr old playdates. And the parents of the younger ones don't always seem to be appreciate of his presence. So, Hadyn doesn't get much 2yr old time, Hunter doesn't get much 7yr old time, and no mommy bonding and time out for me in that aspect.

Then the home school activities that he can be around his age group require that I chase my 2 yr old around or is in the afternoon when Hadyn HAS to have naptime (makes a happy child and happy mommy), or is on a day of the week when Dad is off work and we want to spend time with him. So again, not much for Hunter, not much for Hadyn and not much for mommy.

Scott works from home a lot and battles with the guilt of wanting to spend more time with us (so he won't shut his office door) and wanting more space and quiet for his office. Obviously, with all four of us in the house all day nearly everyday, yeah, some stress will build. He wants to move to a bigger house. I don't think that is the answer because all of the above will still be in place.

So, decisions have to be made. We opted for home school due to Scott's work schedule at the time and the fact that he and Hunter never saw each other and it was showing in Hunter's attitude. That was the primary reason. That has changed now and Scott is home more in the afternoons and evenings. School time has been a beating lately with Hunter as he just doesn't want to do anything anymore. I've tried different times of the day - during the morning, but I have to battle with Hadyn needing attention, during the afternoon at her naptime, but Hunter shuts down mentally in the afternoon and just doesn't absorb anything, spreading it out, but then it's harder on all of us. Blah.

I'm just not the Birkinstock-Unschooling-Earth Mama that most of the home-school moms I'm around seem to be, so Hunter going back to public school is not an earth-shattering devastating event that it might be for others. I've also talked to a pre-school director friend about putting Hadyn in school a couple days a week.

Maybe just the space and quiet in the house will calm some things down around here...primarily me. I'd love to have the availability to be invited to do things without hearing "well, we knew you homeschooled so we didn't think you'd have time."

Time, I have. Space and quiet, I don't.

Decisions to make. Confusion over what is best and am I being selfish. Yeah, I'm tired.


Stacee said...

How weird - I haven't checked anyones blog in the longest time (maybe a month or more) or even updated my own much lately - and today of all days, I clicked on yours!

I understand your struggles with the playdates - I feel that way often mind (12, 10, 7 and 4) - it can be hard to feel like you are in the right place! You shoudl come to more park days w/ the cchp!!! Lots of age differences, and my 12 yr old loves to help the moms by chasing the little ones around so mommy can sit down for a bit :) Honestly! In fact, even my 10 yr old boy loves to help with the little ones!

I'm not so much an earthy momma, but we lean toward unschooling, though I prefer child-led learning, it is not at all how I imagined our school would go - and we are not as "relaxed" as many of the unschoolers I know. I'd love to talk with you about it sometime!

Are you going to make it to the park day tomorrow? I'd love to hang out and chat with you! I'm even willing (dare I say it) to do a McDonalds playdate so we can chat and the kids can play (ok - and I HATE McDonalds - so you know I'm willing if I suggest it).

Based on some of your blog entries, it sounds like you're in a mommy funk (and forgive me for being presumptuous) and I so have been there (and many times am still there) - which is not to minimize your situation in the least - your situation is very valid - just to say that I know one of the biggest ways out of that funk is to GET OUT of the house!

email me anytime - txmomto4 @

Leanne said...

No kidding. Home schooling is tough, good for you for giving it a go. Flexiblility is the key to good parenting. As life changes so should what you're doing with the kids. Good luck with the changes..and getting some quiet.